10 Girls’ Fashion Trends I Don’t Understand

First off, being sick sucks. I’ve been congested and coughing and treated like a social pariah, so yay for that… Being confined to my room on drugs has weirdly not helped though. Instead, I took some time to go catch an outdoor Wind Ensemble concert on campus. It was super good and I actually talked to real people and my headache magically disappeared! Then something weird happened–I actually felt like practicing. Super strange. But anyway, music might be the best medicine. :)

So here’s the thing with this blog post. By “I Don’t Understand,” I don’t mean “Hate And Will Judge You If You Participate In This Trend.” I just mean I DON’T understand why it’s a thing. And for the record, I’m guilty of some of these, too, so… Anyways, here goes: 10 Fashion Trends That Women Participate In That Don’t Make Sense To Me, in no particular order.

1. “Hooker Heels”

How the hell…

So termed by…me. Basically consist of a ridiculously high, skinny heel, and a platform on the toe for extra height. I can safely say I’ve never worn these before, simply because I’m absolutely positive I’d break an ankle. Or my back, or something. I understand they’re good for making your legs look longer (an illusion I strive for daily), but I don’t think that’s something worth killing your feet (or yourself) over. I just… Please explain to me how anyone can function like a normal human being in those.

2. Hair Poofs

The poof queen herself

It never really made sense to me why women would tease their hair up so high, à la Marge Simpson. It kinda makes you look like a Conehead. I’m not opposed to all poofs, as I have seen many done very tastefully. But there’s a certain height where you’ve just got to stop, you know?

3. Spray Tans

Glamour shot

As a brown person myself, it’s true that I’m not filled with desire to be tan like a lot of Caucasian women are. But if I were white, I feel like I would rather stay white than turn orange. Just my personal opinion. If you can get a good spray tan and rock it, good for you. But if you turn out looking like him^… I’m really sorry. I hope you’ve learned your lesson.

4. Leggings As Pants


Yes, I have done this before. No, I don’t think I was particularly attractive. This style has gotten a lot of heat lately, and most people defending it like to talk about how comfortable leggings are. Personally, I never found anything tight around my legs very comfortable–and that includes leggings. What’s wrong with jeans, guys? If you’re going to wear the leggings, please at least cover your butt with a shirt or dress or something. But just as pants…? I don’t get it, sorry.

5. Multiple Piercings


As the proud owner of 5 holes total in my ears (double piercings in my earlobes + cartilage) and the possibility of 2 more still existent (surprise!), I am absolutely guilty of this fashion trend. Earrings are basically the only jewelry I wear, due to the fact that everything else gets in the way of the violin, and I like the way all of my piercings look. But honestly, I have no idea why I find it attractive. I mean, I’m sticking sharps bits of metal through my ear…wut? What’s the appeal? Something that truly does not make sense to me and is one trend I will never be a part of is other body piercings. Snake bites, eyebrow piercings, belly button piercings, BACK piercings… I don’t even know. I won’t judge you for it if you have a lot of metal stuck through body parts–in fact, I think it looks really cool on some people. But personally, I don’t understand why we see piercings as so attractive at all. There is the “shiny” aspect…

6. Dresses with Cutouts and Other “Slutty” Outfits


This is a flawed argument, because I actually DO understand why girls buy these. It’s the same reason they buy those spandex-y miniskirts and the super tight dresses and the hooker heels and stuff–they want to feel sexy and catch the attention of certain other human beings. I get that. I also understand that there are many other ways to catch a boy’s attention, and it doesn’t have to just be with your body. I’m not saying you need to dress like a Puritan, but why not wear something cute or with personality instead of something that says “I’m just a hot girl and I want attention,” because then you will become “That Hot Girl,” which might not seem like such a bad thing until you realize that’s ALL you are. You don’t have a name unless he’s trying to get into your pants, you certainly don’t have a personality, and he’s probably not going to want to hang around. So by all means, be attractive! But save your self-esteem and reputation and find other ways.

7. Rompers


The first thing that comes to mind when I see a woman in a romper is not, “Wow, she looks really good!” Usually it’s more along the lines of “…is that a onesie?” You know, those things your parents used to dress you in…when you were a baby… Okay, so yeah, some women can pull them off. Stick a certain one with a good pair of boots and maybe a sunhat and you could look downright cute. But for the most part, I just don’t understand why you’d stick yourself in a onesie/overall crossover. Wanting one garment to cover everything? That’s what dresses are for!

8. Colored Lipstick

Yes, for a magazine shoot or makeup ad, this is dramatic and gorgeous. But when they start marketing blue, yellow, green, etc. lipstick colors for women, I just get kind of confused. I mean, yeah, Ke$ha has blue lips… But if I saw your average woman on the street with a green mouth, I would not think glamorous. Just not entirely sure why this is a thing.

9. Fur Coats


Yes, if you’re wearing a fur coat I will probably automatically assume you’re rich. Or you’re an Eskimo, one of the two. But you do know that’s an animal’s skin you’re wearing, right? Huh? Why do women NOT in Siberia or Alaska wear skin that doesn’t belong to them around their shoulders, I will never know.

10. Overdone Makeup

Sorry if this scared anybody

I guess “overdoing” your makeup is not a trend, exactly, but it’s more of a thing that I see happening a lot. I’m not opposed to a little makeup. But I am a firm believer that everyone is beautiful and makeup should only be used to “enhance.” Piling on 50 lbs of makeup does not make you look more beautiful, sorry. You’re probably gorgeous with none at all, and no, I’m not just saying that to be nice (this is the internet, who the hell is nice?!). And yes, I am deleting this off my computer after this is posted.

Again, I’m not saying that I will treat you any less if you wear a romper or have a nose piercing or own a fur coat. I do some of this myself. I guess I’m just trying to say that what women do to their bodies in the name of beauty makes no actual logical sense, and these are just some of the weirder things. If anyone can give me a really good reason for participating in these trends, I’d be very interested in your feedback.

Also, this was a good way to spend time while cooped up in my room. Thanks for letting me babble on.